It’s a situation none of us want to imagine: someone you care about opens up and says they don’t want to be here anymore. For most of us, that’s a moment that can shake us to our core. And what we do in that moment is everything. Recently, I experienced this firsthand—not once, but twice in the same day. Two different people told me they were thinking about ending their lives. What stuck with me the most wasn’t just their words—it was the way the people around them reacted. Some froze in fear or uncertainty, while others jumped into action.
It’s natural to freeze in these situations, but when it comes to suicide, doing nothing can be dangerous. Action saves lives. Read on to learn how to recognize those crucial moments and how to respond when someone is in a mental health crisis.
Why Freezing Happens: It’s understandable that people freeze when faced with someone’s suicidal thoughts. Fear, shock, and the uncertainty of what to say or do can make us feel paralyzed. Some common reasons people don’t act include:
Feeling unqualified: “What if I say the wrong thing and make it worse?”
Not recognizing the seriousness: “Maybe they’re just upset and don’t really mean it.”
Assuming someone else will step in: “Someone closer to them will handle this, right?”
But the truth is, anyone can be the person who steps up and helps, even if they feel unprepared.
The Difference Between Freezing and Acting: The two scenarios I witnessed were a stark contrast. Some people around these individuals froze. They didn’t know what to say, and so they stayed quiet, hoping the moment would pass. Others acted immediately, asking questions, offering comfort, and reaching out to resources for help.
Here’s what happens when we freeze:
The person in crisis may feel more isolated, thinking no one cares or that their pain is invisible.
Inaction can deepen their belief that no one understands, leading them further into despair.
Time is critical in moments of suicidal thinking—doing nothing can allow things to escalate quickly.
Here’s what happens when we act:
The person feels seen and supported. Even if you don’t have all the answers, just showing you care can make a huge difference.
Taking action—whether it’s calling a hotline or simply sitting with them—can break the cycle of isolation and offer immediate relief.
Quick intervention can lead to professional support and help prevent a crisis from turning fatal.
How to Know When It’s Time to Act: Even when someone doesn’t come right out
and say, “I’m thinking of ending my life,” there are clear signs to watch for:
Verbal cues: Comments like, “I don’t see the point,” or “I don’t want to be here anymore.”
Behavioral changes: Withdrawing from social activities, giving away belongings, or a sudden calm after intense sadness.
Physical cues: Excessive fatigue, changes in sleeping or eating habits, or signs of self-harm.
If someone expresses these signs, even subtly, it’s time to act.
What to Do When Someone Opens Up:
Break the freeze. If you’re unsure what to say, start with something simple like, “I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, but I’m here for you.” Just acknowledging their pain can be powerful.
Don’t wait. Take any mention of not wanting to live seriously, no matter how casual it sounds. It’s better to overreact than to do nothing at all.
Call for help. Dial 988 or text HOME to 741741. Encourage them to reach out, but if they’re unable to, make the call yourself.
Stay with them. Don’t leave them alone, and offer to sit with them until help arrives or until they feel more stable. Your presence is incredibly valuable.
Overcoming the Fear of Saying the Wrong Thing: Many people don’t act because they fear making it worse by saying the wrong thing. But the reality is, saying something—even imperfectly—is better than saying nothing at all. Here are a few things you can say:
“I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I want to help.”
“I don’t know exactly what you’re feeling, but I care about you and I’m here.”
“I’m not leaving you to face this alone.”
It’s OK to not have all the answers. What matters is your willingness to show up.
When someone is in crisis, our instincts can push us to freeze or turn away out of fear, but that’s when action matters most. Don’t wait for the “right” moment or the “right” words—just act. Whether it’s reaching out to a professional, staying by their side, or simply listening, your support can be the difference between despair and hope.
If you’ve ever found yourself frozen in these moments, you’re not alone. But let’s commit to being people who take action. Together, we can make sure no one faces this battle alone.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you don’t have to do it alone. Call 988 or text HOME to 741741 for free, confidential support 24/7. Sharing these resources could be the lifeline someone needs.
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